The Pretty Girl With Stockholm Syndrome
by Annie1230
Summary: Faith has troubling thought about her relationship with Buffy


The Perfect Girl with Stockholm Syndrome  
  
Disclaimer: I don't own anything, they all belong to the god known as Joss....the lyrics are from the talented Blink 182, the name of the song is the title, but if you don't have their new cd....what the hell are you waiting for?? The other set of lyrics are Sarah McLachlan's Perfect girl of her Afterglow cd, go get that too!  
  
Rating: probably an R, just to be safe.  
  
Pairing: B/F is they're anything else?  
  
Summary: Faith is having some troubling emotions having to do with her newfound relationship with Buffy.  
  
A/N: Ok, here's my newest fic, I'm on a songfic kick (rhyming much?) , so expect more songfics from me in the near future. I'm sorry to anyone who wanted me to keep going with my first fic, I just ran out of ideas really, I mean if you want to send me ideas or anything drop me an e-mail FireCraCker1230@yahoo.com, I was thinking of doing a sequel or something but I'm not sure...who knows. Send me lots of feedback, I need it like Peanut butter Cup Cappuccino!!!!  
  
Stockholm Syndrome, for those who don't know, is when the abused become attached to their abusers as a means to avoid violence.....  
  
lyrics are ~~ and thoughts are * *  
  
************************************************************************  
  
Faith's POV  
  
~This is the first (thing I remember)  
  
now it's the last (thing left on my mind)  
  
afraid of the dark (do you hear me whisper)  
  
an empty heart (replaced with paranoia) ~  
  
* I'm okay, things are fine, B and I are together and I'm the happiest fucking girl in the world....so why do I feel like I'm dying inside? Sappy romantic movie shit right? Wrong, try horror movie wicked scary music type shit. I'm scared, I don't get scared. I remember when B and I had finally got together and I was so psyched, we went to tell the gang.....and that's when it went to shit, all flushed to fucking hell. They hated me, resented the fact that I took their precious Buffy from them, that's my first and last memory of our relationship, no we didn't break up, but we're going to, well I'm ending it now for her. I can't take anymore of Willow's threats, of Xander's one-eye stare, no one is happy with this arrangement, except for B and I. Usually that would be enough for me, but for some screwed up reason it kills me. I'm afraid to sleep, Willow keeps casting spells on me, I can feel it, I don't tell B, they're usually spells to cause really intense pain, and fucking hell they do, B wouldn't believe me I know it, she'll always choose her friend over me. She says she loves me....but I don't feel it, I feel empty and she needs to learn to let go.*  
  
The brunette slayer moves into the bathroom that she shares with Buffy in their room in the Hyperion, Angel had given it over to them to run their own investigation team while he was with Wolfram & Hart. Slowly the girl undressed and turned the water on to run a bath; she turned the knob until it was almost scorching her hand. When the tub was filled all the way she got in an rested her head against the tiled wall.  
  
* I wonder what happens when this is over ya know? what will happen to Buffy, what she'll do after me? The gang's gonna be happy we....I called it off, fucking jumping for joy, the hills are alive kinda shit....yes I saw Sound of Music, don't be a dick, I'm not un-educated, I just don't like to show it off. Damnit Faith! Back on  
  
track.....ok so....breaking it off with B.....I know she doesn't love me, she's using me, she misses Spike...or Angel or one of those cock-sucking vamps....come on! You can so tell the did each other, Spike and Angel I mean, tension much? Anyway, I know I'm right in this....she'll be happier, she'll get over it, GOD! I can feel how wrong this is....I just, it's just that, I can't do it, I'm a loser and I'll bring her down. My beautiful Buffy doesn't deserve that after all she's been through.*  
  
~where do we go (life's temporary)  
  
after we're gone (like new years resolutions)  
  
why is this hard (do you recognize me)  
  
I know I'm wrong (but I can't help believing) ~  
  
The tears start to leave streaks down the beautifully broken slayer, and for once she doesn't try to hide them, she can't. It's finally too much for her to take and she begins to think rapidly, it's almost too much for herself to keep up with.  
  
*How...how am I gonna do this, do I just pack a bag, not say goodbye, just leave? Knock her out and tie her up so she can't stop me....no, no that won't work... I don't want her to hate me....I could kill all her....no that would make her hate me.....but if I just tortured them for....Damnit...why am I such a psycho??? She hurts me all the time and I cant let her go!! Ok well she doesn't know she hurts me, but the stares and the looks she sometimes gets like I disgust her...damnit, damnit, damnit.........back to...leaving....I'm leaving....but how?*  
  
Faith looks around the bathroom for an idea and spots something  
  
*Bingo! That's it....all I need is.....ok.....I'm ready...*  
  
Reaching forward she pulls herself out of the bathtub and gets out drying herself off....the dark slayer walks out into the bedroom and return in a few moments with something in her left hand and another in her right. Stepping over the side of the tub she once again settles into the warmth of the bathwater.  
  
* I know B will be pissed , at least for a little bit....I told her I'd never run again....but...us.... our being together has created this thing, this disease, an Anti-Faith disease, and I thought I was doing well...on my path to redemption fighting the good fight like I was meant to, but I guess I want meant to with them. Angel will be disappointed in me, probably B too, but hopefully the can get over it and remember some of the good I've done...and if I leave, I know everything will be okay between B and her friends again and that's all I care about, I'm the cause of their falling out, and this is for the best....I think I'm going insane......*  
  
Out of nowhere there's a banging on the bathroom door and a soft voice comes through to the distraught brunette...a voice she could recognize anywhere.  
  
"Faith, honey you in there?"  
  
"Yeah B! Just taking a bath, I'll be out in a sec!" The brunette yelled  
  
"Okay baby, take your time, I don't want rush you...I'll be out here"  
  
"Thanks B.....Love you." Faith said trying to withhold all emotion  
  
"You too Sweetie."  
  
* Liar, you fucking liar....I can't believe it....I won't, it's over, gone, it's done....I can't, I can't.....no no no no no no no.....why couldn't she just kill me 4 years ago? maybe she finally will....maybe that's why she wanted me....oh god, oh god.....*  
  
Rocking back and forth the slayer is finally and completely shattered, she's exhausted, and sick....and she has no idea why she's feeling what she's feeling.  
  
~You're cold with disappointment  
  
while I'm drowning in the next room  
  
the last contagious victim of this plague between us  
  
I'm sick with apprehension  
  
I'm crippled from exhaustion  
  
and I dread the moment when you finally come to kill me~  
  
Buffy's POV  
  
*What the hell is she doing in there? I mean I know my baby likes a nice warm bath after training and stuff but come on...this is friggin ridiculous, I get that she's mad at me for staying at Will's last night but I'm just trying to fix things, so we can all be happy and I know it's working....ugh!....... she's been in there for like 2 hours....I'm going in damnit, and I don't care what she says*  
  
Walking up on the door the blonde tapped on it lightly... hearing no answer she decided to walk in anyway. Flipping down the lid on the toilet, she took a seat.  
  
"Look Faith, I know that your mad, but you don't need to ignore me all night right?" *No answer...just a little...moan? or not...you're imagining things*  
  
*Anyway, I was talking with the guys last night, that's why I wasn't home until this morning....but I told them that if they cant accept the fact that we're together and that we love each other, than I don't need them as friends" .....again no response *Damn this girl is stubborn when she's mad* "They said they'd give it a shot baby, that they'd try to be nice and give you a chance, it's just that with all that happened between us and them, they kinda wigged, but it will be okay....I promise....and I'm not letting you go for something that I know youre sorry for...*  
  
Starting to get angry that her girlfriend wasn't even remotely giving her any attention when she was telling her something important, Buffy got up and walked over to the white shower curtain and stood there  
  
"Faith! say something, anything, are you even listening to me? at all? do you ever?" Once again not getting an answer, it was the last straw for the blonde.  
  
Whipping back the shower curtain, Buffy rage went from sky high to rock bottom as her heart plummeted from her chest to the basement of the hotel at the site before her.  
  
Her girlfriend...a vibrant brunette firecracker, filled with more passion in her little finger that anyone else Buffy knew....THAT girlfriend, the same one who took her to the park to play baseball with the gang, when they were all still friends, the one that promised her when she had enough money that she would take Buffy to Ireland, to anywhere. The girlfriend who was up at the crack of dawn, even though she hated morning, got up early to make breakfast for Buffy, who made love to Buffy for the first time and then cried because she thought that it was a dream.....that same girlfriend.....  
  
Now was pale and lifeless, floating in a bathtub filled with her own blood, her eyes hollow openly staring up at Buffy, with nothing but emptiness....  
  
Buffy, feeling sick to her stomach, tried to make it to the sink, vomited all over the tiled floor....breathing slowly she got up and crawled back over to the tub....looking in she quickly slammed her eyes shut one again. Opening them she found she was unable to cry, she was already drained of her life, much like Faith had done to herself.  
  
Draining the water and blood Buffy looked for the self-inflicted wounds that would cause a slayer to bleed to death....and then she saw them.  
  
The brunette's arm, previously masked by the blood water, were now in plain view to the blonde....once again she ran to the sink to empty her stomach.  
  
Faith's arms were almost sawed clean in two separate pieces. The vertical slashes, running from her wrist to the inside of her elbow were so deep on both arms that only a slayer could do it. The were sliced clean through to the other side, and the only thing still holding her arms together were the bones at her wrist and elbow.  
  
Backing away slowly the blonde beauty had no coherent thoughts  
  
* My....Faith....she's....no...I mean....why?...we loved, but I couldn't, not again.....oh god!*  
  
Looking back at the tub where she could only see Faiths face....looking left a little in the soap dish, she saw a folded up piece of paper. Scrambling over to the bath once again, trying not to look at ....the....the...bod....Faith., she grabbed the paper and the rapidly slammed her back against the tile wall again so she didn't have to see her lover's dead body. Slowly opening the note, she began reading :  
  
My Sweet B,  
  
I know that you're probably mad at me, for leaving you. But I didn't I'll always be with you, if you meant it when you said you loved me. I wish I could tell you why I did this, but really...I can't. I wanted you to be happy with your friends, and with your life, and I realized that you couldn't do that with me, no on accepted us. And right now, I can't even explain what's going on in my head right now, I don't feel like I'm me anymore. But I just want you to know, even if you didn't love me, I've always, always, with everything I ever was...or am...used to be...ugh....that I loved you with my last breath. I'm sorry that your too late, but there was no way to save me....and I bet you would've tried given the chance, and I hope you weren't the one to find me....I had to make sure I got the job done, you know how hard it is to kill us. Give love to the gang for me, even though they hate me, I still cared for them.  
  
~I'm so lost  
  
I'm barely here  
  
I wish I could explain myself  
  
But words escape me  
  
It's too late  
  
To save me  
  
You're too late  
  
You're too late~  
  
My love ,  
Faith  
  
P.S. - Move on, I want you to have a life, and a family....all the things I wanted to have with you if I wasn't so fucked up....  
  
P.P.S.?? - Is that what you put after a P.S.? Who knows, but also.....Play this song by Sarah McLachlan called Perfect girl...the cd is in the rack......I put something in there for you, it'll probably make more sense I wrote it when I was more together.....love you.  
  
Wiping at her eyes, Buffy was pissed at Faith...at herself for not being able to stop her.....Getting up slowly Buffy closed the shower curtain and walked into the bedroom, which smelled like Faith....and then the tears came again.  
  
Collapsing in front of the cd holder she ran her fingers over the cases until she came across the Sarah McLachlan cd titled "Afterglow". Opening it she took out the cd and reached over to the player, which was on the floor a few feet away and put it in. Closing the lid she skipped to the song Perfect Girl and opened up the booklet to look at the lyrics when something fell out...another note....  
  
Almost tearing it trying to get it open she licked her lips and wiped at her eyes so she could see through the tears.  
  
B,  
  
I don't know exactly if this will work out, I've been having trouble lately. I cant live up to what everyone wants from me.....with this whole us thing....don't get me wrong I love you, more than love you, you my everything. But your friends have been torturing me to no end....and I'm not perfect, there's only so long I can take it for, and that's not much longer. So this is a just in case. I'm case one night I don't come home from patrol or something I want you to know what I think.  
  
~Am I faithful, am I strong, am I good enough to belong  
  
In your reverie a perfect girl  
  
Your vision of romance is cruel and all along I played the fool All your expectations bury me~  
  
Like I said before, I'm not in a good state...I'm trying to control myself, control my path. But there are times when I want to hurt someone...or something, or myself. And I know I'm the only one who can help myself, so I'm trying, for you, for me, for the world. Then, then there's times when I feel like you can barely stand me and there's not a point in trying to talk to you because you just hate me, it's like I'm the one who caused you to fight with your friends...and I guess I am to blame for that...and that makes me just want to give up, to end it.....  
  
~I own my insecurities I try to own my destiny  
  
That I can make or break it if I choose  
  
But you take my words and twist them 'round  
  
Til I'm the one who brings you down  
  
Make me feel like I'm the one to blame for all this....~  
  
You need your friends, they're what kept you alive so long, longer that I've known you. They're what keeps you going, even before you met me they were youre back up, your family, something I'll never be a part of. But still, I love you, and I don't know exactly where the wrong is in that, because I cant really find it, and if you love me......when and if I'm gone....just give it time, I'll always be here for you, and eventually you'll be okay being by yourself....you'll be able to love again and be yourself....that's if you care as much for me as I do for you.....  
  
Never forget that I love you, and will always even when I'm 6 feet under baby...its weird....your calling me to go patrolling now...and I'm writing you a letter...but just try to remember me B. That's all I ask  
  
(Just in case) Love you Baby,  
Fai  
  
~You need everybody with you on your side  
  
Know that I am here for you but I hope in time  
  
You'll find yourself alright alone  
  
You'll find yourself with open arms  
  
You'll find yourself you'll find yourself in time  
  
The riot in my heart decides to keep me open and alive  
  
I have to take myself away from you  
  
'Cause I can't compete I can't deny there's nothing that I didn't try  
  
How did I go wrong in loving you  
  
Don't worry you will fine the answer if you let it go  
  
Give yourself some time to falter  
  
But don't forgo know that you're loved no matter what  
  
And everything will come around in time~  
  
After the song was over the smaller slayer was sitting with her back against the end of the bed, sobs shaking her entire body.....glancing over towards the framed photograph on the bedside table, she walked over to it picking it up she looked at the picture of herself and her girlfriend....They were sitting on the counter in the Hyperion.....Buffy facing the camera, Faith was sideways with her legs over the top of Buffy's and her arms around the blonde's neck, while Buffy had hers around the younger girl's waist.  
  
*I though we were happy* Closing her eyes to stop the tears that tried to force their way out....*we'll be together again Faith...eventually* Squeezing her eyes shut she tried to sleep, but just stared at the ceiling in a comatose state.  
  
That's how Willow found her. Eyes turned up towards the ceiling clutching a picture of her and Faith in her hands...with her dead girlfriend in the bathroom, lying in a bathtub with a ring of blood.  
  
And for years and years....when girls would become slayers, the watchers would tell them the story of the Dark and Light Slayers, one who died because her love for the Light was too great, and the other who died because her love for the Dark, causes her to die of a broken heart.  
  
***********************************************************************  
  
Feedback is much appreciated....I wrote this in 3 hours when I got out of the shower earlier, so it probably sucks and doesn't make much sense....but I'm a feedback whore...let me know ..... 


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